Guerilla Marketing 101

I'm the type of person who will do anything for a page view. So, if you've got something and you want it seen, here's a list of tips and tricks I've employed in my battle for internet virility (not sure if that word works right there...)

1. Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I say to beautiful soul in the mirror: "If Paris Hilton can listen to her own songs, so can I." (Repeat 3x if necessary)

2. And this one is my new FAVE (hollllla!): On lunch breaks, I go into the Apple store and find their iPad displays. One by one, I pull up Youtube, search for myself, pull my video up, on full volume/full screen OBVS, press pause, and walk away. (Tip: If you're doing this at a retailer with a smaller selection - i.e. Best Buy - I suggest doing this, but then actually turning them ON. Then walk away. Fast.)

3. Tweet random things at Justin Bieber's fans on Twitter, and include some boggled link to your video/song (you know, like, on tinyurl.com). An example of one such tweet might be: "hey @littlegirl, here's a picture of @kimkardashian that was taken right after her death: www.xtube.com/k1ngst0n." And, voila, there's your page view little man!

4. Print: a map of the world, and another one of the US. Hang these up near a computer. Then, each day, "conquer" one state and one Asian country (I say Asian because the product I'm promoting is pop music, which they love. If you were promoting, say, death metal or a video of you pooping on someone's chest, I might suggest something like Germany or any Eastern European country. Capiche? Gut.) That said, Conquering is the act of mass-friending large groups of people from internet sites like Myspace and/or Twitter.

5. Be mindful of your audience. If you're dancing around shirtless and wearing gold things, like me, you may want to start with the gay community. Like, duh. I might even throw a little of their lingo at them in the request like, "oh Hay girl I'm fierce. My song was made from glitter and vodka." They love that stuff. And, guuurl, you'll see your page views FABOOSHING in number.

6. Have faith in what you do. All feedback is good feedback because at least they gave you a page view. However, if the feedback is particularly negative, it never hurts to steal a strand of the naysayer's hair and put an Egyptian Curse on he or she. That, or you could try a love spell and turn a hater into a SUPER FAN! (For more information: newspells.com)

6. Watch my tutorial on the above-mentioned tips and tricks: http://tinyurl.com/33emtpk